Aah, the memories!

On Messenger one morning: Oma for my migration project I need to know how old you are and where were you born and how old were you when you migrated? love Indi.

It is funny when recalling something, whether great or small, that one can almost think it happened recently. That the years between the event and the memory is so minimal that, to quote an old cliche, "it seems like it only happened yesterday". Oh how disillusioned one can become when it appears the 'recent' memory was a lifetime ago. Now that is a bit over dramatized, I'm sure many have experienced the surprise when we realize how time has flown.

Recently one of my grandchildren sent me a questionnaire about my family's immigration process and timeline. Memories flooded back like a huge tidal wave. Not only did my brain shoot into action but so did my emotions. My stomach gave the odd lurch and I was propelled back in time.... it seemed so close, that time. Almost tangible.

It was 1961 and we immigrated to New Zealand. I was 8 years old. The year previous when the first steps were taken, when my parents must have had long discussions and possibly tears and uncertainty, I was oblivious to how my future was going to be shaped by their decision. It wasn't like I ( or to my knowledge my 3 siblings) were consulted at this stage. Parents decided back then, not the children. They looked at their circumstances, the prospects for their children and the possibly quietly hidden private dream held for years. To find a place to live and give their children other, a different and as main reason, a better future.

Then the moment arrived when the stage was set we children were informed of this great event. We were leaving the Netherlands and immigrating to New Zealand. There were passports to apply for, injections to be had, farewells to be made, we started 'decluttering', not a word that was current back then, and we listened to a few radio broadcasts of new immigrants who related their experiences. We had to learn to speak English we were told. Yes and no weren't a problem, but whole sentences, terrifying! Who would understand us? I don't need to underline the fact that this was a scary prospect do I?

A lot has happened in the years after that decision. Life has been good to us though the outcome, the way our family's future was shaped, was not how my parents thought it would be. Of that I am convinced. To say this was a right or wrong decision would be far too simple. It was a decision that shaped us all and that's life. For everyone. Our path is unique to us though some aspects may match other families experiences. My parents lives were honest ones with always the best interest for us children at heart. And who could ask for more than that from a parent?

Be Good               Be Kind               Keep Smiling

Having your world turned upside down

Ninety three years ago ma was born in a small village - and she never left. For 69 years ma has lived at the same address. Till now. Till her world was turned upside down. 

Who is ma?

Ma is my bonus mother in law. I am married to her son in law. The man who was widowed when her daughter died. He kept in touch, as did ma. After a few years he and I met and subsequently married. I am now ma's daughter in law. For the past 20 years we have grown very close and I care deeply for her wellbeing and she for mine. Although not family, she shows interest in my children and grandchildren. She is always thrilled for me when I visit them for longish stretches, she is always very happy to see me return.

On my last visit to New Zealand, the undesired happened. Ma had a brain haemorrhage and was quite ill for some time. Oh the shock and emotions I felt. I was half a world away. So sad and worrying. Ma being ma, she rallied. She is made of tough stuff is ma. Has had her share of challenges and gets up to fight another day. Rehab took some time. From a dynamic, independent and self efficient woman - to now dependent on many for her care. Thankfully ma's personality, clearheaded thinking and will power means she can still participate in the world today keeping up with the news, the events around her and the stories her family and those who care for her, tell. She's mastered the art of a wheelchair. At ma's age, the number of friends around her have dwindled dramatically. Those able, visited faithfully giving her some diversion in the long days at the rehab facility.

Times have changed. Many years ago if one needed care, the choice was yours for the making. To stay in one's own town or place of birth was a natural choice and very understandable. In today's world with the 'greying' population increasing and the facilities not able to meet the demand, where one 'ends up' is not always of one's choosing. And so it is with ma. She has been allocated very comfortable, spacious accommodation with caring staff in a lovely part of the landscape- but not her landscape. Too far for the elderly friends to 'pop in'. Not in her own surroundings and loved place far from the home she lived in for 69 years. It hurts. It hurts her, it hurts her family and it hurts me.

I understand that ma is crushed. Not because the place isn't to her liking, not because she thinks the staff aren't good to her - but in ma's words, " I feel cut off from my world". Will ma find peace with her new situation? Will she ever feel 'at home'? Will there be a possibility eventually that a place closer to her home becomes available? Will she then be physically able to make the move back? So many questions.

I am pleased ma is out the rehab facility - it was a medical situation and ma didn't need that sort of care. It was to tide her over till somewhere was found. I am pleased it is a light, airy, spacious space with a nice sunny position and opportunity to even sit outside. The staff I have met are lovely caring and dedicated people. The service ma gets is great meeting every need - except 'her' people. Her past, her memories. Anyway, I am hopeful that one way or another ma will feel more at ease once she settles in more. Should a place become available in 'her' town, we will cross that possibility when and if it happens. Right now this is what it is and we will support ma in lots of ways to make it bearable and maybe even enjoyable. For now, there isn't anything we can do but be supportive, understanding and loving.

So proud of you ma.

Be good.      Be Kind.           Keep smiling.