Life - and it's gifts

Life is a gift - unwrap it - use your undiscovered talents 

You only get one stab at life

Be generous

Be loving

Be considerate

Be all you can be

Two weeks ago I was privileged to hold a newborn grandson in my arms. A few hours old. What a joy. What a blessing. He will be sharing the love of his parents with 4 siblings, two girls ( the eldest of the 5) and 2 boys. No doubt the parents will be faced with  challenges they hadn't envisaged - on the other side of that same coin they will experience great joys too.

For the second time in my 'oma period' I have been present when one of the grandchildren arrived. As an OmaFarAway, it isn't always possible to be on the spot when such life changing events take place. I do get the feeling though that this wonder of life is the Full-stop in the family cycle. All three families now being complete. 

I am truly blessed and realise quite realistically that this is a unique position to be in. My children and grandchildren are healthy, happy, thriving individuals ( from 22y to 2 weeks) making their way in their world at their own pace and with their own uniqueness, encouraged and nurtured by their parents.

This is really all I wanted to say really. No great philosophical or debatable discussion. Just stating my joyous event- the birth of another grandchild. 

Be good.     -     Be kind.      -      Keep smiling

It's all about WHAT IFs!

"Nothing to fear but fear itself".
Franklin D Rooseveld in his inaugural speech in 1933

Even I say that to friends when they entrust me with a fear, an insecurity or when faced with an unpleasant event. Why worry about something that is a figment of one's imagination, a reality only existing in one's mind?

The self imagined outcome of something over which one has no control. I recall that in my study period. Handing in an assignment. Already visualizing the perceived reaction from the lecturer or teacher. What if?

The recent years during COVID we have had many instances I am sure where WHAT IF scenarios played  a huge role in our state of mind.

WHAT IF: I get COVID and become ill?

WHAT IF: I am that ill I need to go to hospital?

WHAT IF: My mum, dad, brother sister, husband wife.....?

WHAT IF: I loose my job?

and I could go on and on, can't sell/buy a house, I don't get that job, mortgage, car!

My WHAT IF was: What if I can't get to see my children and grandchildren? What if travel becomes so expensive I can't afford the fare? What if the restrictions aren't removed? What if they become ill? I become ill? What if I don't get my papers uploaded onto the form? What if my QR code won't scan? What if I missed my flight, my connection, loose my luggage?

These What If's were a battle. I did manage to conquer many but must also admit to have to battle a few with more energy than I thought was needed. I think of myself as a positive-realist and normally can handle and deal with a WHAT IF moment quite rapidly. I think this time, because it touched and affected the most important people in my life, I didn't have the grip on each situation as I would have liked.

I can now say: All my fears were valid but not worth the energy I put into them. My WHAT IFs were ticked off one by one as I dealt with each issue.

I booked my flight - shocked at the price but could pay for it 👍

I got the paperwork sorted successfully without any of the feared hitches.

My flight was long, tiring and at times stressy- but I arrived on time.

My initial test after arrival was negative ( which was one thing I wasn't worried about) I just haven't ever had to undergo a test. So that's a first.

I haven't been ill. Nor has any of those I listed above.

I had a harrowing moment fearing I may miss my connecting flight- BUT didn't.

My suitcase and I left the airport together.

So now, a stress free visit to my family and friends is off to a good start. I aim to keep it that way.

Be good.     Be kind.     Keep smiling

Arms to hug and hold me.

 May 2019 - my last hug and glimpse of my dearest darling children en grandchildren.

2020: My trip on hold: Who would have thought the world would change so dramatically in such a short space in time.

2022: Finally:  Arms to hold me, hugs to give

I've lived back  in the country of my birth from 1 July 2000. In that time I have flown back to my second home,  to Aotearoa/ New Zealand and Australia on average every 15 months, till 2019 that is.  My planned trip for the end of 2020 was put on hold. Not only because of Corona but also due to the restricted access one had to a much desired entry ticket to get into Aotearoa/New Zealand. The government had closed its doors to keep its people safe and operated a sort of lucky dip for those needing/wanting to go home. I didn't participate. Left the space I might take up for those with even more pressing needs. This doesn't make me a saint, just felt uncomfortable in case I got 'lucky' and someone needing to be with their dying parent, wedding or birth event lost out. And I've not even mentioned to huge costs of the quarantine hotels.

The virus hasn't gone but the immediate danger, the heaviness of the pandemic has subsided. Yes, one can still become very ill. Some may even not survive but most will. Thankful for the vaccination available is all I can say. After purchasing my ticket, which due to the fuel costs and other related reasons why had risen dramatically,  and applying for my Traveler's Declaration now required before entry I am now able to fly to hug and hold once again. I have NEVER been away from my children for this length of time. It was hard. Emotionally I coped, only just, having the support of many around me who helpen me through dark periods. I am so grateful for these support groups. Reading about more pressing and devastatingly sad cases I felt guilty at times about my own misery. Grateful too was I that there were no serious issues why I might have felt the pressing desire and need to be with my children. Great disasters were spared us. Many were not that fortunate.

So, looking forward and with renewed joy in my heart I am preparing to venture across the miles, different rules, new airport as I am taking an airline new to me. I believe masks will be required all the way: all 24-26 hours roughly which it will take to reach my destination. That'll be a challenge. At the end of that: 

arms which will embrace me. And that's the moment I yearn for. 

Be good - be kind - keep smiling.

What are you thinking?

Marcus Aurelius Antoninus: 26 April 121 – 17 March 180 was Roman emperor 

from 161 to 180 and a Stoic philosopher.

This made me ponder on the topic. Am I master ( mistress) of my own destination or are things pre-ordained? Or is it a bit of both?

One of the more frequent statements I hear around me is, " Have you noticed how short fused people are these days?" It is August 2022. We are trying to haul the world out of a pandemic. Some say we already have left that behind us, while others maintain a strict lifestyle being guarded and insecure in their actions limiting movement and one could say, the joys of life. Of course there are also those who have denied the whole pandemic as a myth, and those who have adapted and learnt to be aware, to chance to a new normal, a safe, healthy lifestyle. Getting on with life as best they see fit. Doing what feels comfortable and safe. 

Perception of the situation at hand and acting according to one's nature and self-reliance?

I am occasionally inclined to think that the pandemic isn't only about a virus, becoming ill and the most dreadful of consequence could be death, but that it doesn't 'just' affect our physical state of being but also infects our psychological state. The recovery results are varied. Well, that's the thought in my mind at present. This is as a result of what I experience of the changes in society in general.

I notice little of the relief that the reduction in the wave of destruction COVID brought has ebbed. I do notice short fused, irritated and impatient people quick to complain about trivial ( or more impacting) situations. The pandemic has not only made many physically ill, the brain too has been affected. Is that a panic reaction?  I hear sounds in the conversations that people feel they are 'owed' freedom now the dangers have ( relatively) passed. That the governments concerned 'robbed' them of freedom while not acknowledging that even for them this was un-chartered waters and needed to take a stand to keep the populations safe if that was at all possible. 

                           Perception of the situation at hand and acting according to one's insecurity?

Short staffed in many areas ( not just here in the Netherlands but world wide) has seen some disturbing fracas taking place. Heated discussions and even violence well above proportion for the 'complaint' one might say. Greed is another trait I've seen on the rise. This too in the recent crime figures, the new ways to undo one of personal belongings including money. Elderly often but not solely, being targets of villainous actions. Going door to door to 'check' the corona vaccination pasport and thereby gaining access to homes. Or pretending to be from the health department checking if the ventilation in the home is working properly, to name a few tricks I read in the paper about. Sad and deplorable. working from home and people being limited in moving about freely changed the face of the criminal's actions. Even they have adapted their modus operandi. Once the working at home rule was relaxed, home invasion thefts was once again on the rise. 

                             Perception of the situation at hand and acting according to one's lack of morals?

Standing in the queue waiting to be served, at the airport, train and someone finally 'snapping' and lashing out at personal who are working their butts off coping with less colleagues to get the job done. Businesses understaffed causing problems in all kinds of sectors. Where have all these people gone? Some who had severe COVID are sick at home still, suffering long term damage, some have changed jobs. With cafes and restaurants having been closed for long periods staff have moved on and many not returning. With shops closed Online sales boomed and more delivery staff was needed...and so the list goes on. Our world has changed in the way we do things. In the way we expect things to happen. I get the feeling that our thinking hasn't changed at the same speed. We expect the order of things to remain the same or at least return to something recognizable.

So how does the above quote figure in this writing?

The pandemic is nobody's fault. It has happened like in all times of disaster and unknown situations, the feeling of despair and fear seems to bring out other personal reactions one might expect or even suspect. Think of how people may have reacted in centuries gone by. Look at the times of citizen unrest and the looting that happens! The discovery of AIDS, the black plague, cholera to name a few. 

Yet we humans survive the onslaught and pick up the pieces. Each in our own way. We make our own (un)happiness by the decisions we make, the thoughts we nurture, the fears we dread and the insights we may or may not have gained.

Marcus may not have been far wrong in his statement. It sure set me thinking. Thanks for taking the time to read my ramble.

Be good - Be kind - Keep smiling

Friendships and farewells

 Friendship

Precious - necessary - enriching - sharing - laughing - making memories - silence is good too.

What defines friendship? I find it hard to pinpoint, to place in a context or label it.

Last Friday a dear friend passed away, died, left this world. His name is John. Such a widely used name. Yet he was unique in his own way. From the first time we met he made me smile. His wife and I became great friends, close, supportive and fun friends. 

His wasn't an easy road the past 18 years which also meant it wasn't an easy road for his wife and family either. John suffered and survived heart failure. A massive heart failure. His whole life turned upside down in his 'prime' one could say. From an active fun loving caring and vital man to someone needing care, support, a watchful eye. Assistance with many issues. Painfully sad.

It could have turned him into a bitter and resentful person - but it didn't. It could have had the same effect on those he loved. It didn't.

The road they walked was heavy yet not somber. The highs and lows endured with verve and determination. Positivity was their saving grace. The love and dedication their fuel.

We, my husband and I, feel privileged to have walked some of those roads together. To have had time to make memories, share moments and become closer than maybe had John not had this attack on his healthy self.

We shared many a meal, laughs, outings, celebrations and special moments. These are what will keep John and his memory alive- to have him still in our midst when we say his name. When we travel alone, when we share time with his widow. Our friendship will last and take on another shape. It'll be new and we will be faced with another adventure, new beginnings and memories.

Tomorrow, as I address those present at the farewell, I want to share the special moments we had and allow others to enjoy those memories. To inspire people to cherish in their hearts that which connects them to John and his life in our midst.

Gosh we are going to miss that man - though he will stay with us forever!

Check out this link: A wee break away with John and Alie

Once was an opinion welcome

It's all about which way you look!

It's all about which way you look! I was attracted to a clipart/gif picture quite some years ago now and used it many a time in my other blog A day in the life of . I've stopped using that blog but the items will stay online. Lots of good reading there I may add. Anyway, in that blog I wrote about events which happened or about subjects which got my attention one way or another. I'm not fussed about whether people agree with my ramblings. Writing often helps put things into perspective. When I read back a few weeks later I sometimes see a shift in my thoughts and findings. That means I've grown, learnt more or visions have changed. If I still feel the same, then I acknowledge that. I am neither right or wrong. I'm me! So today I decided I'd take the plunge and write about something(s) which have 'hung around'  for a while and just won't let me go.

Before I start my ramble: the word OPINION is MY opinion, MY vision, MY perception My thoughts.  Not right- not wrong, or left or right. Just another way of looking at something.

Thought number 1!

Mary buys groceries which include snack items, fizzie drinks and not to forget the weekly 3 bottles of wine. She also needs to purchase vegetables, dairy products, meat and household items. Her purse is smaller than her wants ( NOTE: wants)

Me: Mary needs help to learn how to budget so she can on the special occasions purchase 'extras' and enjoy them exactly as that: EXTRAS. I was trying to reflect when chips/crisps, fizzie drink and wine became daily items instead of birthday and feast day fare. Nothing special about a bag of chips/crips now is there?

Now I've been blasted for this. That I don't understand her situation, that she should be able to make her own decisions etc etc etc. That I begrudge her her extras after all, she's in a bit of a bad way, hard times etc. 

Well, that's true, things have not gone well the past couple of years.  In the meantime Mary has applied for a special benefit and the food bank. This is where I then re-iterate: Mary needs a lesson/support in budgeting. The food bank is for those who can't even buy the basics, let alone the extras. This isn't helping Mary improve her situation. It isn't teaching her to fish, this is putting the ambulance under the cliff. I am not right nor wrong. I voiced an opinion. My thinking, my way of seeing how a problem could be solved. Not should be solved. It may just give Mary some prospect of a far better future and a feeling of self worth and respect. People react so aggressively that I now avoid becoming involved in discussions. I internally have a private chat and hope someone somewhere also sees a way to help Mary improve her situation before things get even harder for her.

Now the "Holy Grail" thought number 2 - Newcomers political or otherwise.

As per 2015 we have 200 nationalities in this country ( Netherlands). People obviously are attracted to the country for various reasons. As of the 31 January 2022 the total population was 17.597.607. The prospect is that in 2028 we will have a population of 18 million. Now if that was in Australia, Canada, America to name a few XXL sized countries outside of Europe I'd say- amazing. Wow. Great. Have you googled how small this country is? I wonder if the people who come here do that before they choose 'us'. We've just been to France - spacious, green - beautiful. Plenty of space to build another city as big as Paris and creating at the same time possibilities for housing, employment, education, health and welfare.

In 2020 we had 517 people per km2. Land mass 41.543 km². Germany's landmass is 357.588 km2 and has 232 population per km2. A heated discussion is happening here about the number of refugees who are having to sleep outdoors ( it is summer and sweltering hot) in the over full refugee camps. One thing needs to be said: Their plight is not to be sneezed at or minimalized. What they have gained is a safety net and distance between them and the danger they left behind. Cities, townships and smaller communities are being affected with housing problems ( we don't have enough even for the population already living here) and the world is on fire regarding climate change etc. Where are we to house these people? Yes, they are welcome, NO I am not a racist or anti whatever? I am genuinely concerned - FOR everyone and their safe, happy and healthy future.

Now don't twist this to say I want to 'get rid' of any particular group - it's the people volume that is the issue. It's the pressure of 'us' all living so squashed that we as a population are losing the space to breath. Which in turn doesn't bring out the best in many people. Like all living beings, space is an essential part of our psyche. A place to retreat to, to re-charge batteries, to have a moment of silence, privacy. The strain on all services are showing  signs of collapse. Cracks appearing in social formation and structure. If anything, COVID19 has proven once again that living like ants on an ant hill isn't the most healthy system at all.

The world has changed. The distance traveled in past centuries was restricted due to the inability (yet) to fly or drive. Boats brought more speed and distance. The explorer, the inquisitor wanted more. To see what was around the corner or over the horizon. New worlds were being discovered. Populated. Taken over. Confiscated even. The world has shrunk. We can replace ourselves into any country we chose. 

Now this overcrowding isn't only something here in the Netherlands. Somehow we humans have converged together seeking companionship and the communities grew. There was safety in numbers and hunting together was practical. Now we hunt for space to be alone. To have some autonomy. How can this problem be addressed in a way that personal wellbeing and protection of ethnic customs and practices are maintained. That languages and customs are honored and kept alive. How do we do that? How do we discuss these issues and really listen to each other without jumping all over each other with accusing finger pointing and yelling louder and louder? If we don't break this discussion open and be generous with our compassion, empathy and realism we won't solve anything for anyone. 

Just one more thought: Have you ever flown? Do you recall the flight attendant  say to the parents or those traveling with someone in their care, " Please put your life jacket/mask on FIRST"? I understand the residents who have been on waiting lists for years for a home be upset when newcomers are given priority. Not a good thing for the relationship between the groups involved. Just saying.....!

I am more concerned about our people problem than I am about whether the ice cap is melting. Because right now - why save a world we aren't even capable of sharing?

Be good       Be kind       Keep smiling

How meaningful is language?

 

"It's only words and words are all I have" ..to say what I have to say!

Recently on tv I heard an interviewer questioning public of all ages about abbreviations and the modern text language. His question was: "Do you always know or understand what someone is trying to say to you or message they have for you?"  In this ever speedy world we live in, when news travels faster the the speed of light, do we make ourselves clear when communicating? Is a quick message on the phone with BRB ( Be Right Back) and a 👍 polite? One gentleman, say age wise around the mid 60s said, " oh the young people don't use words, they use those pictograms. You know, those funny face things like a smiley. I've got them on my phone too but don't really know why or when I should use them." Another comment was, " "Why should students learn to write? They can't spell anymore they just use abbreviations. I never now what my children are on about these days! 

Well, the abbreviations and bad spelling is something that's very evident when I see posts online. Now I am not a language buff, expert or champion. I make grammatically technical mistakes and know it. I do like language(s) though. I also think we need clear, concise and comprehensible language skills to stay in communication with each other. To continue the dialogue about who we are, what we mean and what our intensions, hope and dreams are.

There is so much to learn about language, spoken, written, or symbolized in pictograms or sign language. My language, your language. I've Googled some information: 

History

The language dates back to roughly 150,000 years ago. However, all the linguistic evidence dates back to around 6000 years ago, when writing began. Consequently, the major history of language is discovered through guesses and written evidence that is much newer than the era that the linguists study.

Why is language important to identity? Language is intrinsic to the expression of culture. As a means of communicating values, beliefs and customs, it has an important social function and fosters feelings of group identity and solidarity. It is the means by which culture and its traditions and shared values may be conveyed and preserved.

I live in a Dutch speaking country, well it was originally. Now I do not have a problem with multi cultural multi lingual communities, countries and the spread of peoples around the world. I was once an immigrant too. What does get to me though is that individual countries it seems, are losing a grip on their own language, their customs and identity as certainly in our country, we are replacing our language with English. Yet we aren't an English culture country. There are things we can't express in the same manner. My example of this was many years ago when I lived in New Zealand and needed to take my young son to the doctor. I tried to explain an emotion/feeling/symptom and was EVER SO GLAD I had a Dutch doctor as GP. Now there was nothing wrong with my English language skills. I had spent more years there than in my country of birth- yet for a certain emotion or feeling I just couldn't find the words to do that justice. Of course I found a substitute, but it wasn't one that came from the inner ME.

So taking that back to the interviewer, how do we with our 'new age' language skills help express  ourselves according to upbringing, culture and ability to make ourselves understood? Are those EMOJIS enough? Are abbreviations multi lingual? 

Sometimes I get caught up in these thoughts and wonder how the world is going to look in say 100 years from now. We live in an era where we can source information about our past at the touch of a keyboard. What sort of information will there be to read about in 100 years time about our language development? Will we have gone back to symbols like the Greeks, cave people and Romans, to name a few, used?

One of the reasons for this soul searching subject was our time in France recently. A 5 week road trip. Our French was deplorable having not been to France for a number of years, where as we used to go annually. We coped with Google Translate, hands, feet, gestures and the English language. I'm ashamed we were left wanting. It also hampered connecting with some lovely people we never got to know due to our lack of language skills. 

So that's my burble for today. Have a great day/week and 

Be safe    Be kind    Keep smiling

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