How I try to be an Oma from a distance

 

There are many interpretations of being an oma ( grandmother) . My immediate thought would be, "oh, living far apart".  Sadly, for some, that isn't the case and I am well aware that some omas live physically close but have another sort of distance to bridge. And that must be hard. This blog title is about the physical distance many omas have in relation to their grandchildren, yet some of the emotions and experiences do share commonalities.

How to stay in touch? How to create and maintain a strong relationship? How to become and stay a part of each grandchild's life?

I guess that's different for everyone. All I can share is some of the things I do or attempt to do. Maybe there are ideas or possibilities in my sharing that may appeal to you. I'm certainly open to suggestions in the comments should you want to share.

While still living in New Zealand my eldest son moved to Australia. There he established a family and my OmaFarAway existence began. Their home, the farm, wasn't exactly round the corner and the trip to visit was a long one. Then I moved to the Netherlands and after a few years my daughter started her family. That was so hard. I had a job and couldn't 'just' pick up and leave to be with her. I still, to this day, recall when and where I was when the birth phone call came and the emotions that engulfed me. Before the birth of her second child I was able to be there and stayed 7-8 weeks with a visit to Australia sandwiched in between. I had become a jet-setting oma.

The families grew. My youngest son also started his family a few years later and I've attempted to visit every 18 months on average since my departure in 2000. I'm struggling at the moment as Covid19 is a deal breaker. I SO MISS VISITING MY (Grand)CHILDREN. Sorry about the caps! It is so heart wrenching to have not seen them since 2019.

But that's the reality and whilst I struggle with this situation, I am grateful to be alive and well and that they are too. So then, how do I stay connected, in touch, in the picture and involved?

The difference in the ages plays a huge role. I recall my mum on the odd occasion 'complaining' she missed seeing the kids when they grew into teenagers and spread their wings more. That changed again as they grew a wee bit older and were in a different flow of their lives. So it is with grandchildren, the exception ever present of course.

Recently I sent a wee parcel containing two reading books I had written myself. My youngest son also has the youngest family. I know not everyone likes writing, and some prefer drawing or taking photos. With my stories I am present at bedtime in book form. The stories can be read any time of the day but especially the night time read is one I miss. So I thought, let's write them stories. I actually only had that revelation recently. My writing idea developed itself along the way. So the older grandchildren missed out on that. I will however print off some copies so they might later read them to their children. 

For the hobby cook(s), I've made an Oma Cookbook. To keep memorie alive I've created the odd photo album of my visits and of course we have the amazing technology of today so that we can FaceTime and 'just' chat sending messages to and fro.

In 2018 I started a YouTube channel by the same name, OmaFarAway, and make videos of places we visit, things that occupy me, and even in the kitchen I showcase some of my recipes. I was 47 when I became an oma. Regardless of whether I lived close or far, I had a job so wouldn't have been 'free' to be in attendance all the time. Now, 30 years on, I've had to embrace modern technology to utilise this medium to shorten the physical distance and hope that the memories we make, the connections we have, the interactions we share, is enough to make life long memories. To create a bond that may not be what I dreamt of as a child, but is strong enough to keep the relationship healthy, loving and alive.

Being Omafaraway does mean I miss a lot of special moments. I could be quite down in the dumps about that. Of course it hurts at times, but life sends it's challenges and it is up to me to make the most of what I have- not dwell about what isn't! 

How do you experience your 'oma' situation?

Changing seasons - Up North and Down Under

 

Another change in season is upon us. Here, in Europe, spring is beckoning. Winter isn't ready to let go. Like me, farewelling someone or a place I feel at home in can be hard. Dawdling, looking back. Finding ways to prolong the inevitable. Winter will eventually leave us and go find it's purpose elsewhere.

In New Zealand the first signs of Autumn have appeared. Schools are back in full swing after a long hot summer. The evenings are lengthening. A quick dip in the backyard swimming pool will soon just be a memory. Keen to recapture that later in the year when the cycle repeats itself.

The changes in weather also bring changes in behaviour. In availability between me and my loved ones. They are home more, inside. Soon too, the clocks will alter to winter/summer time schedules, like we have been doing for many years. Right now, I have a 12 hour time difference with New Zealand and 10 with Australia. They charge on ahead of us here in Europe. At the end of this month, things will change. And somehow, even though the calculations are easier now, the timing with the change is better. I am looking forward to a few more better planned video contact moments.

Truth be told, I'd rather join them personally. It has been too long since I hugged and saw my family. But alas, we mustn't dwell on what isn't but be thankful of what is. During a recent video moment I promised the children I'd create a 'homework' project for them. The youngest ones that is. The older grandchildren have their high school studies all set out for them,. The primary level children have different schedules and interests for now. So today I am going to get the package sorted and mailed. I'm excited to be able to share my teaching skills in an oma sort of way.

I am so proud of all my grandchildren. Adults, almost adults, almost teens and young people. I have all ages in my 'care' as oma. I love them all with all my heart and appreciate each talent and personality. So diverse and a delight. I know I chose to be an 'oma far away', and never have imagined the emotions, the heartbreak ( at times) and missing you would be. I try to be as much an oma as I can and resign myself ( with difficulty) to all that I can't be. 

On that cheerful note: Sorry mustn't get maudlin, I'm off to be creative for some gorgeous people.

Want some visuals of OmaFarAway. Go to OmaFarAway on YouTube.

Keeping in touch from a distance

Do you have family living overseas? Or are you fortunate to have them in the same country, in the same town even?

Mid 1961 my parents took the plunge and we emigrated from the Netherlands to New Zealand. Due to health issues with my baby brother we returned to the Netherlands early 1967.

Unsettled, family in fits and starts back to New Zealand by mid 1971.

Seesaw immigrants you could say.

In 2000 I returned to the Netherlands on my own. My 28 year marriage had stranded, my children were of adult age and forging their own paths. One son had moved over to Australia in 1997 where he created his own family.

So you could say, we are scattered hither and yon. Each living their lives in the manner personally designed. This is my 21st year back in the Netherlands. It has brought me happiness and pain. Being this far removed from the children en growing grandchildren hasn't been all plain sailing but it hasn't all been terrible either. My main goal was- visit every 18 months, more if possible, less if the needs ( financial) must.

This past year has been a true trial. I haven't been able to even plan a trip let alone make one. I've got the presents. Purchasing the odd thing along the way. They sat and stared at me, pleading to be given and used. I have had to put them in the cupboard. Can't bear to look at them. I want to hand them over myself. See their faces when they open their gift. There is an option to post/ship a box full for everyone. I may have to resort to that.

To fill some of the void, I have written a couple of short stories and had the books printed via a photo album site. I may tape myself reading them and send the file. Had other ideas. Bedtime moment ideas. Those will have to wait.

I have been making videos ( I am an amateur) on YouTube, showing off the places I go to. Teaching them more about this country of their fore-fathers and mothers. Sharing my life in a small way. Another way to reach out instead of being able to tell the tales and describe the events. It fills the time, as I am then totally focussed on them. It feels like I'm visiting. It is one way of creating 'visits'. I especially love the cooking videos, thinking that maybe one day, they may use these recipes themselves.

The videos aren't as personal as you would think. That's because I know other family and friends watch them. I also created a cook book for some of the younger grandchildren with some recipes I use regularly. I have another one on the way for the older grandchildren. A bit more elaborate. Oh how I would love to provide them personally with meals and cakes. This is the next best thing. I love it when I'm told they have used the cookbook or have watched a video.

It's not like we are online every day, all the time. Lives are being lived. School, events, friends, work, time out, time in. Not to mention the juggling the clock and time difference. I think we have a healthy relationship in which we allow each other to share what they choose. It is normal for them and me, to continue to live our life to suit our situation. By doing some of the wee extra things I hope to maintain a bond which in turn brings our lives a little closer.

There is nothing more special that spending time together, even when you are apart. There are so many ways in which one can do that these days. Sadly my grandparents in 1961 didn't have any of the options we have today. I am hopeful for the future. For my next possible visit. I do my best to stay healthy and fit and am grateful for the fact that my family Down Under is safe and well. That is the most precious thing of all.

Further away than ever- but doing a come back.

Good morning, glad you could join me

It has been a while. I have suppressed the urge to write, well no not suppressed so much as not made the space to sit and put into words what I had on my heart. Combined with the fact that I was making videos for on a YouTube channel ( by the same name-OmaFaraway). Like everyone else, I also have 24 hours in my day to fill. For some reason that's not hard and my energy level isn't what it was when I was 50.

I am an OmaFarAway. That implies that I am somewhat separated from my grand+children. And as these past months have been plagued by a world wide pandemic, I feel even more separated than ever. Traveling is not an option at present. You see, I have to travel half way round the world, from the Northern Hemisphere to Down Under to see those I love so dearly.

It's been a hard year for many that I feel almost a gene, a sort of shame, to mention my own woes. I am healthy and plan on keeping it that way. My children and grandchildren too are fine and safe. As safe as one can be in life. The emotions that play a big role in my daily thoughts are those of frustration and loss. It is hard to deal with, especially in times of celebration like this past festive season or with birthdays and special events. Not that I only miss being around them then. Those are cherry on the cake moments. Oh how I'd like to be a fly on the wall in their homes sometimes, just to get a sneak view of what's happening. How are they doing?

It are uncertain times. Not that life is certain, but this pandemic has highlighted many things, including the difficulty of living far away from those who mean so much. A simple solution? No, there isn't one. That too is life. I am where I am and they are where they need to be as well. Roll on the time machine, the Tardis from Doctor Who, or the 'Beam me up Scotty" from Star Trek. I would make use of those options like a shot.

Well, that's my 5 cents worth for today. Be safe, be happy and keep smiling.

Koffer inpakken - time to pack.

Scroll down for the English version

Plannetjes smeden, kleding uit de kast halen, spinnenwebben van de  koffer afstoffen.

Ik vertrek 21 maart. Voor mij is niet alleen de reis leuk maar ook alle voorbereidingen. Ik kan mij nog herinneren dat ik, terwijl ik nog in Nieuw Zeeland woonde, een reis aan het voorbereiden was naar Nederland. Ik was er in geen 16 jaar geweest. Zo spannend. Ik zou in de winter gaan. Drie maanden lang. Mijn jongste zoon, toen 4, ging logeren bij een tante. Er waren 3 kinderen in het gezin. Leuk voor hem om speelkameraden te hebben terwijl ik weg was. De oudste twee bleven thuis bij hun vader. Ze hadden sport, school en speel activiteiten ten overvloed. En uiteraard, zomer vakantie.

Wat moest ik mee nemen. Wat zouden leuke cadeaus zijn? Hoe zou het er allemaal uit zien? Heel erg spannend. Ik voelde me als tiener die hun 'wereldreis' aan het voorbereiden waren.

Nu ga ik voor 2 maanden de andere kant op. Ik hoef geen kinderen te regelen. Het zal dan 2 jaar zijn sinds mijn laatst bezoek. Mijn man heeft al een hele lijst met activiteiten om samen met zijn broer naartoe te gaan. Mijn zwager woont nl in 'ons' appartement gebouw, dus ze zullen vast wel veel met elkaar op trekken. De tijd zal ook voor hem best wel snel gaan. Zo ie zo is het al een bezig bijtje met een mooi en genoegelijk hobby, de natuur. Hij is gids in De Hollandse Biesbosch. Even zonder elkaar is best uit te houden...wij gaan ervan uit dat het tijdelijk is.

Nog twee weken, dan is het zover. Er is een kleinzoon bij gekomen sinds mijn laatst bezoek. De anderen allemaal groter geworden. Ook mijn kleinzoon uit Australië komt naar Nieuw Zeeland. Zo leuk om ze allemaal samen te hebben. Nu maar kijken hoe ik het beste uit mijn tijd kan halen. Er zijn mensen die ik graag wil bezoeken. Ook mijn kinderen hebben verplichtingen en activiteiten waar ze het druk mee hebben. Het is passen en meten geblazen.

Het huis hier krijgt een grondige beurt, de pantry ( ja, ik heb een pantry) is opgeruimd en alle bakjes en potten van namen voorzien. Mijn man kookt best wel graag, toch handiger als hij ook weet wat er allemaal op de planken staat. Ik ben er eigenlijk al grotendeels klaar voor. Nog een paar afspraken voor mijn vertrek en dan is het 'op naar Schiphol'. Wat heb ik er zin in!


Well, the year is off to a good start. I'm flying to New Zealand in 2 weeks time. Will be so lovely to hug and hold all those near and dear to me again. It's been 2 years and that feels far too long.

Although the trip is the highlight and purpose, the preparations are all part of the excitement. Clothes to sort, suitcase to dust off and plans to make. Not that planning is easy. I have a list of things I'd like to do, people I am keen to see and places I'd love to visit. Thing is, I also want to fit in with all the already made plans, programmes and events my children have in their programmes. My grandchildren are all but 2, school going. The eldest is now working, and coming over from Australia to be with his cousins while I am there too.The youngest is a few months old. So there are sporting and club type activities to be taken into account. I've got 2 months- and I bet that'll just fly.

Since my last visit I've become the proud oma of another grandson. So keen to hold him close. The others have all grown so it'll be renewing our friendships and getting to know each other ll over again. Gladly though, it'll be a time to rebuild, not from scratch nut on top of what knowledge already exists.

I've been busy getting the house into tip top shape for hubby the next 8 weeks. The pantry totally organised with all canisters now labelled so he knows what's what. He is quite  a good cook you know. My brother in law lives in our apartment building. They have made quite  a few plans for things to do and go to while I'm away. Time will just fly, Oh I am so ready and eager to gooooo!

Emotionele tijd van het jaar- Festive season emotions

Scroll down for the English version

De kerstboom staat- met alleen de lichtjes er slordig in gespannen. De dozen met versiering staat in de hoek. Ik merk dat ik elk jaar steeds meer moeite hebt om deze taak, huiskamer te versieren, moeilijker vind. Toen de kinderen klein waren, hielpen zij mee met het versieren van de boom. Naarmate ze ouder werden, was het mijn taak geworden. Ik vond het altijd geweldig om te doen want ik wist hoe vrolijk de kinderen reageerden als ze binnen liepen en de 'gezelligheid' van de kerst hun tegemoet kwam.

Mijn eerste jaren alleen in Nederland ( v a 2000), zetten ik mijzelf ertoe om deze taak een nieuwe draai te geven. Het is nu 16 jaar ( 13-12-2002) geleden dat ik mijn huidige man ontmoette. De boom en de vrolijkheid van de kerst kreeg een nieuwe wending en het lukte weer om er wat moois van te maken. De feestweek van 2010/11 gemaard door het overlijden van mijn moeder. Op 19 december 2012 stierf mijn schoonvader. Weer kreeg ik het moeilijk. De boom kwam er dat jaar niet. Het jaar daarop een mini versie, toch pakten ik de draad weer op.

De kleinkinderen worden groter. Ik heb al met al een keer Sinterklaas en 1 keer kerst met ze gevierd. Dat was lang geleden. Ik had dit jaar er zo graag bij willen zijn. Het lukte niet. Ik denk ook dat ik daarom misschien nu weer meer moeite hebt met het 'er weer niet bij zijn' vooral vanwege mijn nieuwste kleinzoon die nu zijn eerste kerst viert. Toch ben ik een bevoorrecht mens om nu al een ticket 'in de pocket' te hebben voor maart 2019. Pasen is ook een pracht van een feest en brengt ook een vreugde met zich mee. Een kerst cd vult de kamer en de tekst raakt mij. Heel dubbel. "I'll be home for Christmas'! Want dat ben ik wel en toch ook weer niet.

Terwijl ik dit emotionele moment van mij afschrijf besef ik maar al te goed dat ik veel hebt om dankbaar voor te zijn. Al mijn kinderen en kleinkinderen hebben het razend druk met hun eigen voorbereidingen, vakanties, mooi of minder mooi weer, drukte en vrolijkheid op hun eigen manier en in hun eigen (t)huis. Ik ga zo aan de slag. Die boom staat voor vreugde, liefde, hoop en vrede. Ik ga dat gevoel oproepen, niet alleen van buiten via de versieringen maar ook van binnen met de kennis dat het is zoals het is. Ik hier- zij daar!

Voor iedereen die moeite heeft in deze periode, ik leef met jullie mee. Misschien komt het door de 'donkere dagen', de sneeuw of de vrolijkheid met al die kerstmarkten en oliebollen kraampjes. Dit zou ik zo graag willen delen met diegene die mij zo dierbaar zijn. De ballen roepen! Diepe zucht, daar ga ik dan.

Mensen, hoe dubbel het soms kan zijn: Toch wens ik een ieder

ZALIG KERSTFEEST en een GEZOND EN GELUKKIG 2019

In the corner of the room the lights of the still to be decorated tree is beckoning me to 'finish the job'. The decorations are stacked all set to go. But I'm not. The last few years I have noticed I'm finding it harder and harder to 'get into the Christmas spirit of old'. Memories of days gone by when the children were little and helped me decorate the tree. As they got older it was 'my task' which I lovingly completed being thrilled with the look on their faces when they entered the house- all festive and cheery.

When I first arrived back in Nederland 2000 I encouraged myself to 'make Christmas' happen in my home. The ache of missing my family didn't disappear but the sharpest of edges were shaved off with the knowledge that they were all well. After meeting my husband 16 years ago a new era was created. I found myself being able to 'get into the spirit of things' until my mother's death (1st  January 2011) followed by that of my father in law (19-12-2012). Slowly my husband and I regained some form of peace and reclaimed the Christmas time as a time of joy.

My grandchildren are growing up fast. I've managed to celebrate one Sinterklaas with them and a 'fake' Christmas one February which was also fun. It was my intention to be there this year-especially due to the newest grandchild just born. It wasn't to be. I think this too adds to my feeling of loss and sadness, struggling to reclaim some of the Christmas cheer. What I do keep telling myself is that I am a privileged person having a paid up ticket to go visit in March 2019. So special and my longing to see them all is so strong. The Christmas CD is causing some unrest, "I'll be home for Christmas"- and although I am home- I'm torn between the two.

Whilst writing down my thoughts to clear my head, I do realise I am extremely fortunate and blessed. My children and grandchildren are busy in their own worlds, preparing for their own feasts, presents, dinners and holidays ahead. I realise I too have a responsibility to 'make the most' of this time to also enjoy the peace and joy this season is renown for. My room needs to also be decorated to radiate the love and hope Christmas stands for. I feel motivated and encouraged to get started and complete the task I know needs to be done.

For all out there struggling for whatever reason with emotions of sadness and loss, I understand. Maybe, due to the winter season, the longish dark days, the snow, the decorated streets and Christmas fairs everywhere, the smell of 'oliebollen and Gluhwein' is my sense of loss and 'missing you' stronger than on other occasions. The yearning to share this with those I hold dear is at it's peak. I've pep-talked myself into getting cracking. The decorations are calling to be hung in the tree. I'm imagining the children's disappointment if I allow myself to sink into a sad dark pit in this time of cheer.

My parting wish is for everyone to enjoy the

MERRIEST OF CHRISTMASSES AND GREAT JOY AND HAPPINESS IN 2019

Daar ben ik weer - Time to catch up!

Scroll down for the English version! 👇

Het is een poos geleden dat deze oma in de pen is geklommen. Het is kommer of kwel. Ik schrijf of heel veel of weinig, zoals de laatste tijd. Enfin, hallo allemaal, hier ben ik weer. Een groot reden: herstel van hand operatie gaat TRAAAAAG en loopt tegen weerstand aan. Het gevolg is minder gebruik van de hand- wat nu gelukkig weer op gang komt met fysio en Shiatsu behandeling.

En dat is belangrijk...want een oma hand moet kunnen kroelen, bakken, neus af vegen en in bed stoppen. Toch? Nou doe ik dat niet veel maar als ik in de gelegenheid ben dan is het 150% gaan met die banaan. Mijn bezoeken aan de kleinkinderen zijn niet vaak en wil ik er an ook alles uithalen. Overal aan mee doen en kunnen genieten.

Het is weer zover. Ik ben aan het plannen, uitzoeken en een schema aan het uitwerken waar iedereen blij mee kan zijn. Want het gaat niet alleen wanneer ik 'kan' maar ook of het in de 3 gezinnen uitkomt dat ik er ben.

Laatste reis was in april en mei 2017 ( link naar blog) Het lijkt langer geleden. Deze moeder en oma heeft de drang om weer bij haar kinderen en kleinkinderen te zijn. Om contact op persoonlijk niveau te hebben. De wens is er altijd wel, de mogelijkheid financieel ligt wat gevoeliger. Het is niet niks - het boeken van die reizen.

De laatst ervaring was minder leuk. Ik heb nu, sinds 2000, twee negatieve reizen gemaakt. Op het gemiddelde ( 8 keer) dus niet echt het ergste maar je bent zo afhankelijk van de mensen om je heen - die meestal de taal ( Engels) niet beheersen. Je bent moe, gespannen en, zoals ik meestal ga, alleen.

Ik kijk best wel naar aanbiedingen, naar jaargetijden enzo. Probeer ook op verschillende momenten bij mijn familie te zijn om andere verjaardagen of school activiteiten te vieren en dat brengt ook het nodige prijskaartje met zich mee. Het liefste was ik er nu al... die knuffels laten toch even op zich wachten.

Deze keer wil ik niet een paar uur voor vertrek te horen krijgen dat mijn overstap tijd met 7 uur is verlengd, en dat ze mijn koffer 'vergeten' in te laden bij mijn tussenstop. Het was aardig hoor, van mijn reisorganisatie, om een hotel op de valreep te boeken, maar ik zou daar NOOIT iemand heen sturen. Vies, afgelegen, kaal, geen koffie, thee of zelfs broodje te vinden. Het lag in een buitengebied zonder winkelcentrum of wat dan ook. Dramatisch vond ik het. Ik kwam gebroken aan op mijn bestemming.

Vandaag weer een zoektocht naar een betaalbare en een wat comfortabeler vliegreis speuren. En als dat niet lukt, dan Robert ten Brink inschakelen. Ik wens alle oma's ( ja en ook opa's) veel plezier met alle kleinkinder momenten. Ze zijn zo kostbaar. Maar dat weten jullie vast al. Dat worden strak weer leuke vidoe's op mijn YouTube. Geweldig




"The time has come," the warrior said. To plan that next trip to visit  my family in New Zealand and Australia. Well hello there once again. It's been a while. For some reason my writings this year have been few and far between. It's all or nothing 😉 with this OmaFarAway. One of the big reasons is the ongoing saga with my hand. The left one. Thankfully I am right handed or the disaster would have been greater. I'm hoping for a total healing by the end of this year- still full on physiotherapy and Shiatsu treatment so feeling positive. I live in hoop.

And that's important. An Oma hand is one which needs to caress, wipe noses, bake cookies and cakes, tuck up in bed and generally be 'handy' to have around. Seeing my moments doing those things are few and far between- when I do get the chance I want to be able to give 150%. My trips 'Down Under' are few and far between. I want to make the most of each opportunity.

The thing is, I've started planning again. I had wanted to be there towards the end of this year but well, didn't happen. Now I am looking at what suits the families, including my own situation. Maybe the same timeline as last trip from the end March- April half May. The prices are more affordable than at the height of summer. That is also a biggy in the scheme of things.

My last trip in 2017 ( link to blog) The experience  with the particular airline I flew with ( best priced) is not one I want to repeat. I do read how others have had good experiences with this company and maybe mine was just bad luck- but I arrived in New Zealand totally exhausted and minus my luggage. Just prior to my leaving Nederland I was informed my stopover was extended by 9 hours NINE HOURS, if you please. No compensation, no hotel- just take it or leave it. The booking agent did manage a hotel for me- but I would never want to stay there agin. HORRIBLE. Online it looked great. I'm not fussy, didn't expect grandeur but cleanliness is paramount and being there for that length of time a snack facility would have helped a wee bit. Anyway, that was that - looking forward now to a better experience.

OmaFarAway making videos for YouTube
Check them out here!!

This afternoon my research continues. And I'll be sure to let you know what the outcome of this process is. Yay, Kids, mum is coming - anyone need a pantry sorting? I'm already looking forward to being able to place videos of my trip on YouTube...to have and to hold.