How I try to be an Oma from a distance

 

There are many interpretations of being an oma ( grandmother) . My immediate thought would be, "oh, living far apart".  Sadly, for some, that isn't the case and I am well aware that some omas live physically close but have another sort of distance to bridge. And that must be hard. This blog title is about the physical distance many omas have in relation to their grandchildren, yet some of the emotions and experiences do share commonalities.

How to stay in touch? How to create and maintain a strong relationship? How to become and stay a part of each grandchild's life?

I guess that's different for everyone. All I can share is some of the things I do or attempt to do. Maybe there are ideas or possibilities in my sharing that may appeal to you. I'm certainly open to suggestions in the comments should you want to share.

While still living in New Zealand my eldest son moved to Australia. There he established a family and my OmaFarAway existence began. Their home, the farm, wasn't exactly round the corner and the trip to visit was a long one. Then I moved to the Netherlands and after a few years my daughter started her family. That was so hard. I had a job and couldn't 'just' pick up and leave to be with her. I still, to this day, recall when and where I was when the birth phone call came and the emotions that engulfed me. Before the birth of her second child I was able to be there and stayed 7-8 weeks with a visit to Australia sandwiched in between. I had become a jet-setting oma.

The families grew. My youngest son also started his family a few years later and I've attempted to visit every 18 months on average since my departure in 2000. I'm struggling at the moment as Covid19 is a deal breaker. I SO MISS VISITING MY (Grand)CHILDREN. Sorry about the caps! It is so heart wrenching to have not seen them since 2019.

But that's the reality and whilst I struggle with this situation, I am grateful to be alive and well and that they are too. So then, how do I stay connected, in touch, in the picture and involved?

The difference in the ages plays a huge role. I recall my mum on the odd occasion 'complaining' she missed seeing the kids when they grew into teenagers and spread their wings more. That changed again as they grew a wee bit older and were in a different flow of their lives. So it is with grandchildren, the exception ever present of course.

Recently I sent a wee parcel containing two reading books I had written myself. My youngest son also has the youngest family. I know not everyone likes writing, and some prefer drawing or taking photos. With my stories I am present at bedtime in book form. The stories can be read any time of the day but especially the night time read is one I miss. So I thought, let's write them stories. I actually only had that revelation recently. My writing idea developed itself along the way. So the older grandchildren missed out on that. I will however print off some copies so they might later read them to their children. 

For the hobby cook(s), I've made an Oma Cookbook. To keep memorie alive I've created the odd photo album of my visits and of course we have the amazing technology of today so that we can FaceTime and 'just' chat sending messages to and fro.

In 2018 I started a YouTube channel by the same name, OmaFarAway, and make videos of places we visit, things that occupy me, and even in the kitchen I showcase some of my recipes. I was 47 when I became an oma. Regardless of whether I lived close or far, I had a job so wouldn't have been 'free' to be in attendance all the time. Now, 30 years on, I've had to embrace modern technology to utilise this medium to shorten the physical distance and hope that the memories we make, the connections we have, the interactions we share, is enough to make life long memories. To create a bond that may not be what I dreamt of as a child, but is strong enough to keep the relationship healthy, loving and alive.

Being Omafaraway does mean I miss a lot of special moments. I could be quite down in the dumps about that. Of course it hurts at times, but life sends it's challenges and it is up to me to make the most of what I have- not dwell about what isn't! 

How do you experience your 'oma' situation?

Changing seasons - Up North and Down Under

 

Another change in season is upon us. Here, in Europe, spring is beckoning. Winter isn't ready to let go. Like me, farewelling someone or a place I feel at home in can be hard. Dawdling, looking back. Finding ways to prolong the inevitable. Winter will eventually leave us and go find it's purpose elsewhere.

In New Zealand the first signs of Autumn have appeared. Schools are back in full swing after a long hot summer. The evenings are lengthening. A quick dip in the backyard swimming pool will soon just be a memory. Keen to recapture that later in the year when the cycle repeats itself.

The changes in weather also bring changes in behaviour. In availability between me and my loved ones. They are home more, inside. Soon too, the clocks will alter to winter/summer time schedules, like we have been doing for many years. Right now, I have a 12 hour time difference with New Zealand and 10 with Australia. They charge on ahead of us here in Europe. At the end of this month, things will change. And somehow, even though the calculations are easier now, the timing with the change is better. I am looking forward to a few more better planned video contact moments.

Truth be told, I'd rather join them personally. It has been too long since I hugged and saw my family. But alas, we mustn't dwell on what isn't but be thankful of what is. During a recent video moment I promised the children I'd create a 'homework' project for them. The youngest ones that is. The older grandchildren have their high school studies all set out for them,. The primary level children have different schedules and interests for now. So today I am going to get the package sorted and mailed. I'm excited to be able to share my teaching skills in an oma sort of way.

I am so proud of all my grandchildren. Adults, almost adults, almost teens and young people. I have all ages in my 'care' as oma. I love them all with all my heart and appreciate each talent and personality. So diverse and a delight. I know I chose to be an 'oma far away', and never have imagined the emotions, the heartbreak ( at times) and missing you would be. I try to be as much an oma as I can and resign myself ( with difficulty) to all that I can't be. 

On that cheerful note: Sorry mustn't get maudlin, I'm off to be creative for some gorgeous people.

Want some visuals of OmaFarAway. Go to OmaFarAway on YouTube.

Keeping in touch from a distance

Do you have family living overseas? Or are you fortunate to have them in the same country, in the same town even?

Mid 1961 my parents took the plunge and we emigrated from the Netherlands to New Zealand. Due to health issues with my baby brother we returned to the Netherlands early 1967.

Unsettled, family in fits and starts back to New Zealand by mid 1971.

Seesaw immigrants you could say.

In 2000 I returned to the Netherlands on my own. My 28 year marriage had stranded, my children were of adult age and forging their own paths. One son had moved over to Australia in 1997 where he created his own family.

So you could say, we are scattered hither and yon. Each living their lives in the manner personally designed. This is my 21st year back in the Netherlands. It has brought me happiness and pain. Being this far removed from the children en growing grandchildren hasn't been all plain sailing but it hasn't all been terrible either. My main goal was- visit every 18 months, more if possible, less if the needs ( financial) must.

This past year has been a true trial. I haven't been able to even plan a trip let alone make one. I've got the presents. Purchasing the odd thing along the way. They sat and stared at me, pleading to be given and used. I have had to put them in the cupboard. Can't bear to look at them. I want to hand them over myself. See their faces when they open their gift. There is an option to post/ship a box full for everyone. I may have to resort to that.

To fill some of the void, I have written a couple of short stories and had the books printed via a photo album site. I may tape myself reading them and send the file. Had other ideas. Bedtime moment ideas. Those will have to wait.

I have been making videos ( I am an amateur) on YouTube, showing off the places I go to. Teaching them more about this country of their fore-fathers and mothers. Sharing my life in a small way. Another way to reach out instead of being able to tell the tales and describe the events. It fills the time, as I am then totally focussed on them. It feels like I'm visiting. It is one way of creating 'visits'. I especially love the cooking videos, thinking that maybe one day, they may use these recipes themselves.

The videos aren't as personal as you would think. That's because I know other family and friends watch them. I also created a cook book for some of the younger grandchildren with some recipes I use regularly. I have another one on the way for the older grandchildren. A bit more elaborate. Oh how I would love to provide them personally with meals and cakes. This is the next best thing. I love it when I'm told they have used the cookbook or have watched a video.

It's not like we are online every day, all the time. Lives are being lived. School, events, friends, work, time out, time in. Not to mention the juggling the clock and time difference. I think we have a healthy relationship in which we allow each other to share what they choose. It is normal for them and me, to continue to live our life to suit our situation. By doing some of the wee extra things I hope to maintain a bond which in turn brings our lives a little closer.

There is nothing more special that spending time together, even when you are apart. There are so many ways in which one can do that these days. Sadly my grandparents in 1961 didn't have any of the options we have today. I am hopeful for the future. For my next possible visit. I do my best to stay healthy and fit and am grateful for the fact that my family Down Under is safe and well. That is the most precious thing of all.

Further away than ever- but doing a come back.

Good morning, glad you could join me

It has been a while. I have suppressed the urge to write, well no not suppressed so much as not made the space to sit and put into words what I had on my heart. Combined with the fact that I was making videos for on a YouTube channel ( by the same name-OmaFaraway). Like everyone else, I also have 24 hours in my day to fill. For some reason that's not hard and my energy level isn't what it was when I was 50.

I am an OmaFarAway. That implies that I am somewhat separated from my grand+children. And as these past months have been plagued by a world wide pandemic, I feel even more separated than ever. Traveling is not an option at present. You see, I have to travel half way round the world, from the Northern Hemisphere to Down Under to see those I love so dearly.

It's been a hard year for many that I feel almost a gene, a sort of shame, to mention my own woes. I am healthy and plan on keeping it that way. My children and grandchildren too are fine and safe. As safe as one can be in life. The emotions that play a big role in my daily thoughts are those of frustration and loss. It is hard to deal with, especially in times of celebration like this past festive season or with birthdays and special events. Not that I only miss being around them then. Those are cherry on the cake moments. Oh how I'd like to be a fly on the wall in their homes sometimes, just to get a sneak view of what's happening. How are they doing?

It are uncertain times. Not that life is certain, but this pandemic has highlighted many things, including the difficulty of living far away from those who mean so much. A simple solution? No, there isn't one. That too is life. I am where I am and they are where they need to be as well. Roll on the time machine, the Tardis from Doctor Who, or the 'Beam me up Scotty" from Star Trek. I would make use of those options like a shot.

Well, that's my 5 cents worth for today. Be safe, be happy and keep smiling.