Sometimes it is harder than I am prepared to admit

Sometimes, like right now, it is harder to admit how much I miss the children both big and small.

I have been blessed with many wonderful people in my life- both here and "Down Under ' my second home.

There have been privileges of sharing in the joys when my friends tell me their sons or daughters are expecting a child, when there is a wedding or special birthday.

When the moment calls for it, I visit, receive visits and get invited to visit friends and their (grand)children.

I buy the odd presents, flowers and other gifts - for whose ever birthday or anniversary I am helping to celebrate. And I love it - feel privileged as I said and more importantly - feel included.

BUT: There are moments when I let my guard down. When it saddens me not being at the granddaughter's horse riding lesson, the soccer games, the kindy trips, bed tucking in times, pancake day.... to name a few special ones. I won't even begin on the 'not so special' moments and many may call them ordinary- I call them precious.

Anyway, some days- It is just harder than I would LIKE..!

Then as I wallow in self pity, I hear a buzz and I grab my phone.

" Oma would you send me a photo of you please, for my messaging?" BUT of course darling I will look one up right now. ( NZ)

And yesterday- while just stepping out of the shower: Phone call ( FaceTime) "Oma I have reached the finals of the speech competition. I just wanted you to know that. And mum promised to send my horse riding photos." - yes I took that call while wrapped in my robe and dripping water all over the floor. (NZ)

Saturday when Daughter in law chatted to me before she embarked on her trip to Melbourne to 'show' her birds. She loves those wee feathered friends to bits. Grandson has a friend over for the weekend- he is doing fine. Son has decided to not shave for a while- warmer that way he says. I am up to date again. ( AUS)

On messages- photos of my granddaughter's 4th birthday- yes we talked on the birthday itself. Now I also have the photos. (NZ)

Then I reprimand myself- see how much 'they' too think about including me in their lives and in all they do.

Well, it just sometimes is 

HARDER THAN I WOULD CARE TO ADMIT!